Appa, For eleven years I watched you endure horrific pain. I prayed and pleaded with God to heal you. Towards the end of your life I was so angry that my prayers were not answered. You were not supposed to die unable to eat; it seemed like such a cruel death sentence for such a good man. When you died now my grief became so overwhelming and suffocating and I was convinced that I too was dying. My heart was so heavy and the pain was unbearable. You played a major role in my life and now you were gone. For my entire existence we were connected every single day, even when I was away. That’s 44 years of saying “I love you”, 44 years of being a Daddy’s girl, 44 years of feeling safe, 44 years pure, unconditional love. And now just like that you were gone. A father is the one who guides his daughter through life, and now even in death you are guiding me. You were the biggest influence in my life. You taught me how to love life even when it’s terrifying and difficult and you know it’s going to be painful. As I sat and held your hand throughout my life and the eleven years of your pain and suffering, I saw an incredible person, my appa. A dad’s job is not only to protect his little girl, but also to show her how to defend herself when, one day, he is not around. You always wanted me to prepare for this. I will always carry your pain and suffering in my heart, but I can also see my father, my appa, the strongest man in the world. The man who raised me and my best friend. Even though I can no longer hear your voice, I still see your face and I can feel your love. You’re still with me, in my laughter, my smile, my tears and in my writing. Time changes nothing. I miss you so much appa!!!!